TOPSY

Have been in the construction/painting field since the early 80's, Enjoy being outdoors, gardening, camping, fishing, Love most types of music and spend far more time listening to it than watching T.V. . Purchased my first cell/smart phone in May, and yes some features are convenient, but I am not fascinated, obsessed or planning on becoming attached at the hip to the distractions and complications that I have seen others fall prey to. Try to keep my life simple, treat every person how I would like, I always trust my senses and instincts when I feel a connection, vibe, or feeling that transcends past the physical senses as if I was destined to cross paths as a friend, a companion, maybe more. Words open the door but perhaps 1 in 150 people touch me in a spiritual or soulful spot that words don't explain. I have learned to let that happen and let go of my need to control what will happen. Just divorced after 25 years, blindsided and used as a scapegoat when she approached 50, our son's addiction and her classic, admirable, yet futile determination that She could save him from his choices. A classic co-dependency case that landed him in prison and herself just as ill, if not worse, and took her from the most amazing person I have known to becoming the biggest liar, cheater, and narcissistic mess, that couldn't even communicate out of respect and friendship what she was doing for almost a year. It became clear, as it does that she was in love and couldn't focus on keeping the lies straight, thus I saw that I was being manipulated and my love became a weapon that she could use to pretend that her intentions were to fix our mess, but 7 months of foolishly using a joint bank account that I forgot about, and the records became the daily diary that not only exposed her lies but also showed her need to escape, unfortunately to a life that is the total opposite of all she believed in including Her faith, values, self respect, morality and most of all honesty. The last 2 years have been the most difficult I have experienced and built a hatred that I had to get help to let go of for my sake, but as these things sometimes do it has ultimately forced me to look at my own personal choices and mistakes that have held me back from that feeling of hope, faith and true happiness that has always been trying to show. I am not afraid anymore, I look forward to friendships, love, and accepting that life does not have to be perfect to be a wonderful gift. I have also learned to say what I feel and respect someone else's honesty as a far greater blessing than just being fed what makes us feel better in the instant. Frankly I am disappointed that I didn't arrive at this juncture years ago, but thankful for what this 2 years of hell has changed within me. I know that I can offer the next blessing in my life a much better product than the one I had accepted as myself. If all of that doesn't make you turn around and run as fast as you can, then I will just assume you have experienced a similar turning point and the struggle that is necessary to force the change and growth known as maturity.